Well I'm back in the pocket. Thanks to those of you who prayed for me. It was a very meaningful and refreshing time that was extremely needed. I forget how important it is for me to stay fresh. Let me explain why...
I grew up in Holland, Michigan to a "dutch" heritage. My parents might not agree from how little chores I did as a kid, but I received a very strong work ethic. (We haven't been from the Netherlands for a few generations, but there is still a strong influence as you grow up.) I am a first born son. I am a bit of a people pleaser and like to be everyone's buddy. I have been called or seen as a role model / leader / friend to those without friends / etc... for most my life. I often have been made to feel or have felt on my own as responsible for others in some capacity. I am a pastor in a community that looks to pastors to be a lot of different things and one of those is someone who has it together and is available to help fix or change people. (I am fortunate to be apart of Watermark that allows me to be human and authentic. I do want to help people and be available to serve at any moment, but not as the central figure.) As a result I have been affirmed as someone who helps people and someone who has it together. As I help people and focus on others I end up receiving praise, which makes you question why you are really helping people in the first place... hmmm. :)
So - I praise God for my phenomenal upbringing, family and character shaping community. When I, however, stretch those strengths a bit too far and extreme I get in trouble. I find myself in a position of frustration at times. The work ethic side of me drives me to work longer and harder. The resposibility side drives me to take on situations, work, & people's problems that are not mine to take. The pastor in me wants to help everyone and has "God value" assigned to my work - which makes it difficult to walk away from. The first born in me wants to take the lead and have everyone agree and be on the same page. The role model in me lies to me and tells me that it depends on me.
Well - let me go somewhere with this. The things I listed - when in balance are amazing and I praise God for them. They have shaped me and in many ways are strengths. BUT, I can, lose my place. I can take too much of a central position. Therefore, when I goof up, sin, be human, make a mistake or the worst thing: disappoint someone - I feel discouraged and like God will remove his blessing from family and ministry....because as John Maxwell says: everything rises and falls on leadership...right? I think it is a bit too over the top, with a shade of truth. BUT, the fact of the matter is: GOD IS IN CONTROL. Dog gone it I forget that and that is what my trip away taught me. HE IS THE MOST HIGH GOD. HE IS SOVEREIGN. HE IS THE ONE WHO MAKES THINGS HAPPEN. Everything does not rise and fall on me! I am but a servant of the one on whom everything lives and moves and has its being! This is freeing. This also changes the way I spend my time as a "spiritual leader." Because - it means I have to be in His Word - not as a strategy or duty, but as a passion and need to be changed by the renewing of my mind. It means I must spend more time in prayer and listening to the one who is in control.
I know this is long, but the last few were small. God revealed to me that I was out of position. More importantly, that HE was out of position. So I am actively praying, studying and trusting God to make Jesus the center of my life and to be devoted to Him.
So - I guess I'm learning to follow.
sd
I grew up in Holland, Michigan to a "dutch" heritage. My parents might not agree from how little chores I did as a kid, but I received a very strong work ethic. (We haven't been from the Netherlands for a few generations, but there is still a strong influence as you grow up.) I am a first born son. I am a bit of a people pleaser and like to be everyone's buddy. I have been called or seen as a role model / leader / friend to those without friends / etc... for most my life. I often have been made to feel or have felt on my own as responsible for others in some capacity. I am a pastor in a community that looks to pastors to be a lot of different things and one of those is someone who has it together and is available to help fix or change people. (I am fortunate to be apart of Watermark that allows me to be human and authentic. I do want to help people and be available to serve at any moment, but not as the central figure.) As a result I have been affirmed as someone who helps people and someone who has it together. As I help people and focus on others I end up receiving praise, which makes you question why you are really helping people in the first place... hmmm. :)
So - I praise God for my phenomenal upbringing, family and character shaping community. When I, however, stretch those strengths a bit too far and extreme I get in trouble. I find myself in a position of frustration at times. The work ethic side of me drives me to work longer and harder. The resposibility side drives me to take on situations, work, & people's problems that are not mine to take. The pastor in me wants to help everyone and has "God value" assigned to my work - which makes it difficult to walk away from. The first born in me wants to take the lead and have everyone agree and be on the same page. The role model in me lies to me and tells me that it depends on me.
Well - let me go somewhere with this. The things I listed - when in balance are amazing and I praise God for them. They have shaped me and in many ways are strengths. BUT, I can, lose my place. I can take too much of a central position. Therefore, when I goof up, sin, be human, make a mistake or the worst thing: disappoint someone - I feel discouraged and like God will remove his blessing from family and ministry....because as John Maxwell says: everything rises and falls on leadership...right? I think it is a bit too over the top, with a shade of truth. BUT, the fact of the matter is: GOD IS IN CONTROL. Dog gone it I forget that and that is what my trip away taught me. HE IS THE MOST HIGH GOD. HE IS SOVEREIGN. HE IS THE ONE WHO MAKES THINGS HAPPEN. Everything does not rise and fall on me! I am but a servant of the one on whom everything lives and moves and has its being! This is freeing. This also changes the way I spend my time as a "spiritual leader." Because - it means I have to be in His Word - not as a strategy or duty, but as a passion and need to be changed by the renewing of my mind. It means I must spend more time in prayer and listening to the one who is in control.
I know this is long, but the last few were small. God revealed to me that I was out of position. More importantly, that HE was out of position. So I am actively praying, studying and trusting God to make Jesus the center of my life and to be devoted to Him.
So - I guess I'm learning to follow.
sd
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