Pastor = Walking Guilt Trip
I've joked about this before, but it is interesting to find that you're a walking guilt trip.
I've walked through the store a number of times and have seen people who are a part of our church community or used to be. I am excited to see them. I really love seeing people at the store and catching up. For me - these moments outside of the Sunday morning experiences are what it is all about. I ask them a question. I make eye contact. I lean forward and show interest. But, they seem paralyzed to discuss their plans and answer my questions because they are weighed down by a confession they have to make. "We haven't been to church in a while. We've been sick.. We've had family over... We're worn out from work... The weather has been bad..." It is as if my genuine interest and desire to connect with them has been set aside and I move from being a person, a friend, a faith family member, a human being - to becoming a walking guilt trip. I am no longer a real person - I am a symbol - a thing - that evokes excuses, guilty feelings, and nervousness.
Now, don't get me wrong - I really desire for Watermarkers and others, not connected to a faith community, to regularly participate in our gatherings and life groups. (In fact you are invited and would be thrilled to see you and get to know you.) I love being with everyone as we munch on Panera Bread, worship together, and share life together. Therefore, I do miss people when I don't see them and I do believe that each person has a unique flavor that they bring to the wider church community. In fact the book of Romans declares that as followers of Jesus - we belong to eachother. That is a pretty radical statement in our individualistic focused culture.
So, although I miss people who aren't present at gatherings. Although I desire people to regularly participate and even feel like something is missing when they are not there. (Just like Thanksgiving without a loved one. Or a poker game without that regular who you love having there.) I don't want it to be about "showing up" - I want it to be about "building each other up."
Therefore, I do care, but I care about the person and not merely attendance. I can easily fall into the trap of treating people as an "end to the means," but I strive and pray that people would be loved simply because they're people made in the image of God.
So when I'm in the store - I don't care if you have beer in your cart. I don't have judgemental feelings and want to put you under the thumb. I am not interested in how you've known that you've missed a lot and promise to be back. Be free! I do care about you. I do want to know what is going on in your life. I do want to hear your stories. I do want to laugh with you, pray with you, care for you, spot God's work among you, encourage you, celebrate with you, hurt with you, serve you, work alongside you, partner with you, and live life together with you... And all this, I desire, requires being in a relationship with you - being "with" you. With this motivation - getting together is not just about counting heads and putting in time at the local church event - it is living and acting in something that is alive and changing and dynamic. The Bible calls it the body of Jesus Christ.
So my heart's desire is for me to no longer be a walking guilt trip that reminds anyone of a poor attendance record (like I'm a chart revealing too few stars). I want to invite us to living life together - a sense that we are in something bigger together - that we need each other - that we belong to each other. That we are free from religion and can embrace relationship with God and one another.
Imagine what that kind of connection might look like.
sd
A side note: Some of us may see this post and jump all over those who are concerned with religion and trying to "earn" our way to God or gain acceptance from others by performing and acting the right way. I suspect that religious folk aren't the only ones that desire to be accepted and liked. I think that all people are looking for some sort of acceptance, respect, and approval. We may say we don't, but I think that many of us try to find our value and identity in even that statement. We can fall into the trap of feeling like we are respected for being the type of person who doesn't need anyone. Therefore we find acceptance and approval from no one, but ourselves. Even in this way we are hungering for that approval and looking for ourselves to prove it.
I guess I'm pleading for humility and I recognize how I live out of guilt in so many other ways. I am not above all this, but I desire to live in freedom and invite others to join in the journey of experiencing that redemptive freedom. Thanks.
I've walked through the store a number of times and have seen people who are a part of our church community or used to be. I am excited to see them. I really love seeing people at the store and catching up. For me - these moments outside of the Sunday morning experiences are what it is all about. I ask them a question. I make eye contact. I lean forward and show interest. But, they seem paralyzed to discuss their plans and answer my questions because they are weighed down by a confession they have to make. "We haven't been to church in a while. We've been sick.. We've had family over... We're worn out from work... The weather has been bad..." It is as if my genuine interest and desire to connect with them has been set aside and I move from being a person, a friend, a faith family member, a human being - to becoming a walking guilt trip. I am no longer a real person - I am a symbol - a thing - that evokes excuses, guilty feelings, and nervousness.
Now, don't get me wrong - I really desire for Watermarkers and others, not connected to a faith community, to regularly participate in our gatherings and life groups. (In fact you are invited and would be thrilled to see you and get to know you.) I love being with everyone as we munch on Panera Bread, worship together, and share life together. Therefore, I do miss people when I don't see them and I do believe that each person has a unique flavor that they bring to the wider church community. In fact the book of Romans declares that as followers of Jesus - we belong to eachother. That is a pretty radical statement in our individualistic focused culture.
So, although I miss people who aren't present at gatherings. Although I desire people to regularly participate and even feel like something is missing when they are not there. (Just like Thanksgiving without a loved one. Or a poker game without that regular who you love having there.) I don't want it to be about "showing up" - I want it to be about "building each other up."
Therefore, I do care, but I care about the person and not merely attendance. I can easily fall into the trap of treating people as an "end to the means," but I strive and pray that people would be loved simply because they're people made in the image of God.
So when I'm in the store - I don't care if you have beer in your cart. I don't have judgemental feelings and want to put you under the thumb. I am not interested in how you've known that you've missed a lot and promise to be back. Be free! I do care about you. I do want to know what is going on in your life. I do want to hear your stories. I do want to laugh with you, pray with you, care for you, spot God's work among you, encourage you, celebrate with you, hurt with you, serve you, work alongside you, partner with you, and live life together with you... And all this, I desire, requires being in a relationship with you - being "with" you. With this motivation - getting together is not just about counting heads and putting in time at the local church event - it is living and acting in something that is alive and changing and dynamic. The Bible calls it the body of Jesus Christ.
So my heart's desire is for me to no longer be a walking guilt trip that reminds anyone of a poor attendance record (like I'm a chart revealing too few stars). I want to invite us to living life together - a sense that we are in something bigger together - that we need each other - that we belong to each other. That we are free from religion and can embrace relationship with God and one another.
Imagine what that kind of connection might look like.
sd
A side note: Some of us may see this post and jump all over those who are concerned with religion and trying to "earn" our way to God or gain acceptance from others by performing and acting the right way. I suspect that religious folk aren't the only ones that desire to be accepted and liked. I think that all people are looking for some sort of acceptance, respect, and approval. We may say we don't, but I think that many of us try to find our value and identity in even that statement. We can fall into the trap of feeling like we are respected for being the type of person who doesn't need anyone. Therefore we find acceptance and approval from no one, but ourselves. Even in this way we are hungering for that approval and looking for ourselves to prove it.
I guess I'm pleading for humility and I recognize how I live out of guilt in so many other ways. I am not above all this, but I desire to live in freedom and invite others to join in the journey of experiencing that redemptive freedom. Thanks.
Comments
Where do I start?
You are a great friend. To laugh and joke with, to share feelings and thoughts with. That's what makes our gatherings so great (and we do miss them). I think your sermons and leadership qualities are awesome and perhaps that is why you get pegged as one of those church guys. Because you are great at what you do and people respect that and maybe some feel they are falling short of what they expect from themselves.
Everybody looks up to somebody sometimes and when we fall short it is human nature to feel remorse. I guess it's about treating everyone as equals...but then how could you have a best friend?
If this doesn't make sense just ignore it.
Oh yeah..people wouldn't know you were a church guy if you would quit wearing that purple and gold tunic and those patent leather white hightops everywhere. Carrying the Bible around is one thing but Steve...c'mon dude....the duds???
Can't we just all get along??! Whah?
I don't think it's so much guilt as it is mindset. I do it myself and have seen it in others when in the store. One of my best friends who I can spend quality time with even when we are just sitting around and not talking, seems to be distant when I encounter him in the store. (it's almost like a drive-by talking.) Something like:
"Hey how's it going?"
"Not much just getting some things."
"Yea me too."
:Long Pause...:
"Well I better get goin."
"Yea me too. Talk to ya later"
It's wierd!
I think it has something to do with all the different faces the average person wears. You have a public persona, a private one, a friend one, a family one, a performace/work one, and who knows how many other variations that may arise for any given situation. It is the rare individule that has but a couple, and I doubt there's anyone that has only one face for all situations. (Although I must admit Mr. Arkay is one of the rare that has but a few. It's what makes him so likeable and frustrating all at the same time.) The likeable out-does the frustrating though buddy. ;)
Anyway I really believe that, most, people when out grocery shopping are in their personal/private mode and do not feel comfortable interacting at that time. (Kinda like letting people peek into your cubbards at home I guess) If you notice people seem to be much more likely to stand and talk when they are done and out in the parking lot.
So don't feel bad Deurty. Be proud that you are one of the rare, but remember that most aren't and just say hi and smile. (or wait for them to come out and talk to them in the parking lot. That's where I believe the public mode starts to kick back in.)
Now excuse me I have to go get some Preperation H.
;D
How’s it going?!!
Thanks for the message you sent to J.B for his farewell. It was great to see your and your family. My how things change…
So where do I start?
To make contact would probably mean that I want something…and you would be correct!!
I recently bought an MP3 player for the sole purpose of downloading messages (what a nerd!!). I tend to be in my car a lot and commercial radio sucks. Except of course for Get This which is the best radio program ever!!
I went to Google and you’re no 1 on the Steve Deur search list – how special do you feel?!!
Anyway, is there any way I can download some good messages from you and your church. I went to your church website and it directed me to itunes. Is that something I’ll need to join? Is there a fee or something for each message? I’m a complete newbie at this and need help!!
Hope to hear from you soon.
Cheers,
David Owen
How are you? It is great to hear from you.
As far as messages go from Watermark (our church) - you would need itunes. That is free. Most "Podcasts" are free and you can find all different kinds at itunes.
The easiest way to subscribe to ours is to go to our website: http://www.iammarked.com and click "whats new" and click on the button below that says "subscribe to the marked podcast." You will need to download itunes for free.
You are not a nerd - I bought a mp3 player for the same reason.
Another good podcast that I enjoy: Mosaic church - Erwin McManus is good (you can search for him under the podcast directory.)
I think I'll do a post next on the best podcasts for teaching/leadership etc... so that people can give good feedback and thoughts on what to subscribe to.
Thanks for you help on this one. Really looking forward to hearing these messages.
Happy listening.
RELATIVELY TASTEFUL PRODUCTIONS BABY!