The social game of first graders

My daughter recently came home with an interesting story. She shared that some kids in her class said some things to exclude her. She was frustrated, but loyal to them as I tried to squeeze out the details.

First, let me say that it is hard to get information from kids when they want to avoid talking about something. I need to go to the "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" seminar on kid interogation. :)

Second, my own emotions got clouded quickly. I was defensive and angry for my daughter. I was hurting for her. I was remembering my own experiences of being left out and sidelined through words. My clarity on the situation was harmed by my own emotions as a father.

Third, I wanted to get back - to make it right - to fix it! First, call the parent and shame them for being such a terrible parent that produced such an evil child. Second, to make small hurtful - almost undetected comments to the kid who set this up - so that I would knock them back into emotional pre-school. Third, protect, protect, protect - my daughter. Fatherhood is a powerful thing - I think it could move me to almost anything...

My first reactions seem to be as childish as the first grade child that started this thing! I think we keep a lot of the same games of first graders when we become a "mature" adult, but we get better at spiritualizing them and dressing them up.

Anyways - protection isn't always the best policy on all levels. Where can my children have freedom to fail - to feel brokenenss - to be hurt? I can't rob them of shaping moments that will make them more wise, kind and dependent on God - because I am an emotional first grader ready to pounce.

I really sense a need to rely on God as a parent.
To teach my kids their identity in Jesus Christ.
To give support and care as they navigate tough stuff.
To allow them to be the key player in bringing resolution to a tough situation.
To listen first and try to give advice second.
To take a step back and get some wisdom.
To learn. ("you gotta learn" - dave deur)

Anyways - parenting is hard work, but one of the most rewarding, joyful, and life shaping experiences!

rattle and hum,
sd

Comments

Anonymous said…
I hear ya. The same thing has happened with my girl. (and I'm sure most girls.)

Girls seem to be really mean. She's always telling me how these two girls wouldn't let this other girl play with them, or how when she plays with one girl they can't play with this other girl, but she likes that girl so sometimes plays with her, etc... The boys just seem to play fight and then play some more. (girls are mean to each other, and the, complicated, head-games seem to start early...)

I get angry too, but you're right we need to let them grow, or they will be helpless little doormats for the rest of the world to wipe it's feet on.

Good luck and happy parenting. ;-)
Dave Deur said…
You're a wise man Deurty. I wish I had learned these same lessons about being a Dad, at your age.

Find out the name of the girl who took my little sweetheart out of the group by excluding her...I'll punish her by forcing her to eat a pound of girl scout cookies and then give her a one year timeout watching only Barney videos....She's gotta learn!
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